Escape

Well, we finally have movement on the medical front. The PET scan last week showed two areas of concern: the lung nodule (that lit up "lukewarm" -- may or may not be a big deal) and an inflamed lymph node (that showed "hot" -- meaning it is likely cancer, although there remains a chance it's not). 

My biopsy -- the surgeon will remove both nodules -- is scheduled for Tuesday at 11:30 am. I'm driving to pick up Mom (and Abby) tomorrow, so she can stay with me through whatever may come. We don't have a return date yet.

All in all, I was having more fun last week. Although the shadow of "the scan showed two areas of possible metastasis" -- there's a truly ugly word -- loomed over me, I was still able to kind-of get away from it all and escape to Galveston for a weekend retreat. I admit it... for 36 hours, I ran away from my problems as much as I could.

I spent most of the trip in the car... driving to and from the coast, driving around Galveston, driving onto and off of the ferry between the Island and Port Bolivar. I've always been very respectful of water -- I still don't know how to truly "swim," although an ex of mine taught me enough to fake it, and not drown in a pool -- and there's just something about looking out over an open sea, and not seeing land anywhere. I also saw about 30 dolphins. It was humbling, vaguely spiritual... and just what I needed.

If only I could have stayed.

I'll probably need to go on chemotherapy. I don't yet know how bad that will be. Dr. B reassured me it won't be as bad as I've heard... yes, I'll lose my hair, but it will grow back as soon as I'm off it. I'll also feel weak, and nauseous -- although "very few people puke their guts out anymore," he tells me (that's an altogether weird and unexpected statement from my usually reserved, very proper Indian oncologist. It was also appreciated.) In the meantime, I'll miss two trade events I wanted to go to -- X Prize Cup in Las Cruces next week, and the AOPA convention in Palm Springs next month) but at least I should still be able to work through it all.

Here's to having a job I can do from home... on my back, if necessary, working on a laptop computer.

Yeah... last year at this time was a lot more fun. Saying my goodbyes from my former coworkers at AG, the Triumphant Hero going off to His New Career. I've played the "what would I have said then had someone told me here's where I'd be in a year" game... and I don't have an answer, other than benign resignation.

It wasn't too long ago I wrote that I considered cancer an almost-fair tradeoff for the good that's happened in my life this past year. Well, now I don't know anymore. At the same time, though... I'm looking forward to what next year might bring, when I'm past this.
Sometimes, that's almost enough.